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little pieces of my lifetwitterpated ........again......... 20 Oktober do YOUR knuckles drag on the ground?The Missing Link
There are a few that swears
By each of their forebears
That in the world's eyes
They are fully civilized.
But the reason I'm a fuzzin'
Seems my twenty-second cousin
Might have been a chimpanzee
Who was swingin' from a tree,
And no way can I escape
My ancestor was an ape.
And the precursor of my clan
Was some ignorant prehistoric man.
Bi-petaled and upright
He must have been some kinda sight
To the tigers and the bears
Who watched from thier lairs.
But then came evolution,
That promised a solution.
And, feeling bold and brave
He stepped forth from his cave.
Where his big opposing thumb
Became a most progressive plum,
For it could hold a club
To supplement his grub.
And it might not sound to great
But it helped him snag a mate.
 Then he discouvered fire
And devised the rolling tire,
Which science seems to show
Was a million years ago.
But then they were preplexed
Because Neandeerthal came next.
Yet not s single thread
Jived with what the Bible said.
So....I state I still believe
I came from Adam and Eve,
And so support "the fall"
And that God created all.
Tho - there's some who like to think
That .... I'm - the "missing link" !!!!!
K
14 Mai DudsNow, Grandad was an honest man
And he seldom had a "beef",
But he often said he "plain despised"
The crooked "common thief".
Grandad snorted, "that there kind
Aint' nothin' but a dud!"
And every time he thought of them
It "boiled up" his blood.
And if he got a crack at one
He claimed he "Wouldn't likely miss!
For a man has got a sacred right
To look after what is his!"
He'd scratchy scratch his double chin
And rub his balding dome,
"It just seems sort of natural
To protect the sanctity of home!"
They did their own crime-stoppin' then
Usually acting all alone,
"Ain't too many get too far
Limping on a splintered bone!"
"The best way, sure, for stoppin' 'em
Is to hide behind a door,
Then take 'em right across the chops
With a length of two-by-four!"
Now if Gramps were around in this day and age
He'd find it kind of rough,
Theifs get off way to easy
When they come and steal your stuff.
So I think I'll revert to the old code
And I'm sure Gramps will be gigglin'
When he sees I don't stop wailin' on them
At least till they quit wigglin'.
K 30 März Time To Say GoodbyeWith the Stroke of a Pen
There's them who write of men's sad plight
As Shakespeare did , and scored,
And them that mould-as Layton scrolled
"The pen is mightier than the sword".
There's suits' been dropped, and wars been stopped
And even triflings, now and then,
And all's been lost, and all's been caused
By the single stroke of a pen.
There's volumes, tracts, and transcribed pacts
Reviews of inked decisions,
Essays by peers and gazetteers
And etymological revisions.
There's cloistered sages cursive pages
And editorial dpeictions,
Journalistic hacks, and tabloid cracks
And epistemic predictions.
There's some who stand , with pen in hand
And critique the fabrications,
And some, with flair, and talent rare
Compile their own creations.
There's some that scrawl, if they write at all
In almost abstract snatches,
Then testiments, of cast events
And influential dispatches.
There's lessons great, chalked up on slate
Made clear in black and white,
nd One alone, on tablets of stone
Engraved what's wrong and right.
There's wordsmiths who, though very few
Can correspond so you understand them,
And some of us, excuse my blush
Have A poetic style of venom.
But, of all that's penned to bend or mend
And brings a teardrop to the eye,
The harrowed quill, the horrid chill
The pen - that strokes......"Good-bye!"
K
19 Februar with six guns blazingso the morning transpired something like this
we were up at 8,
breakfast consisted of home fries and chopsuey for the girls , and left over chili and a cold brew for dad
soooooo at 10 it was decided to delay the tubeing thingy for a couple hours, it was -20 and the wind was howling hard.....so we occupied ourselfs inside the cave where it was sooooo warm and toasty, it was inconceviable as to how these , what I had always considered two fairly intelligent little people, still wanted to go up the side of a mountain and plunk their behinds in a rubber tube and, without the assistance of breaks or a heater, virtually freefall for over 1000 feet, and consider it fun, but,,,,they did, so off we go, upon ariving at the hill, we discovered there were only three other people in the whole province with the same mentally as my spawn...but alas, there is hope,,,,the building at the bottom of the hill has a bar, , , , , now how cools that......so I bundle up the wee ones, and off they go, looking much like the Michelin man, and two bear cubs that have fattened up for an uncoming winter hibernation, waddeling off to the lift, with there mentor in tow, to ensure they safely make it to the top of the hill.......well after the first run,with an internal body temperature of -5 there mentor decides the prudent thing for him to do is to unthaw the outter extremeties of what used to be a pretty normally functioning body, with promises to meet them after their next run, inside to the comforts of modern man I go, ahhhh heat, oh,,,and a cold one,( as opposed to a hot one, cuz I dont' know any better), but while there, the stomach turns, churns and gurggles, as if you have been to the all you can eat buffet at "Chin Chans" cook'em cat emporium......so at the last min, off come the skidoo pants, jacket, 13 layers of wool and gortex and to the facilites I head,,(a man on a mission),,,,,just in the nick of time to avoid a Carleton County rendition of a Picasso on the back of the porcelin canves ..........I squat.......with a look of contentment and a sigh of relief, all that has been adjetated and congregated over the last 24 hours is expelled from the body in 1.7965 seconds, talk about your muzzle pressure and velocity......never mind trejectory ammunition manufacturers stive for........ now at this point I am sure there is a lil' mexican venting his anger for years of depression and predjudice upon my lower extremities, cuz I KNOW he is there, complete with sombrero and six guns blazing screaming, "underaaa, underaaaa,underaaa" leaving the feeling that I will never have to buy another bic to light my cigarettes again....they talk of the "inernal flame"...HUH....I had the external cigarette lighter.....after what seems like an eterenity....I feel confident that I can make it out to the front door for some much needed fresh air.....and I do, only to realize that it's friggin freezin out here, and back inside I go, until these lil angels come in , cheeks red as a beet, and inform me that it is "Much more fun when you come down the hill too" ......NOT FOR ME IT ISN'T.......but I muster up whats left of my intenistal frotitude for 5 more runs and salvage the afternoon, and then it's hot choclate for them, and Rolaids for me, and now I'm home and the couch is looking awful inviting......
PS:.....I just heard .........."Daaaad , can we go swimming in the morning"..... 30 Januar I wouldn't count on meDon't count on me
Not everday,
You've got to learn
To make your own way.
It's big out there
Do the best you can,
Stand on your own
And be your own man.
Don't look to me
Not for everything,
What's the world today....
What tomorrow might bring.
But come to me
When you're not strong,
And I won't say
"Just move along."
And please don't think
That I don't care,
Though I can't be -
Everyday, everywhere.
And I want you
To soar some day,
Beyond, also
And be what may.
You must be free
Yet my heart yearns,
Go far, and sing -
This old earth turns.
You'll spread your wings
And I will cry -
When I wish you well .....
As I wave good-bye!!!!
K 20 Januar How NOT to ask for a date"Rejection"
I'd decided on the special
Down at the "Greasy Spoon,"
Country fare for country folk
Who were just a tad "rough hewn."
Well, "Holly Crapolla!" I'm here to say
They had a girl that was new,
A pretty face, a lovely smile
And a skirt with quite a view.
A genuine, and blue-eyed blonde
I could only gawk and stare,
If my mind and tongue would co-ordinate
Just this once, god do I dare.
Now I know I'm old but full of life
Of this I have no doubt,
But when she came by to fill my cup
I was going to ask her out.
Ah, she was a natural beauty
I could hardly wait for her to pass,
Ever get one of those feelings like
She's two cuts above your class.
I did my best to hide my missing tooth
And I did have on my lucky shirt,
I've been told "There's nothing to it
And the trick is how you flirt."
I thought we'd have a good time
I'd do my best to make it fun,
We could take the bike out by the lake
And have a picnic in the sun.
"What time do you get off work my dear"
Now I know that was not real clever,
Especially when I got a cruel and sadistic look
As she scowled and snarled, "NEVER."
So I guess I can take the hint
And I'll mind my P's and Q's,
And put it in the memory bank
Blue-eyed blondes have a short fuse.
Now I know how Jesus felt
As I sit here on my Keester,
When Brother Paul said to him
"Hey do you know it's Easter"
K
09 Januar The Red NeckSomeone here seems attamite on refering to me as a red neck, soooo lets take a look at
Smeone calls him a Redneck
For the issues he proudly portrays,
They accuse him of being a bigot
Of being too set in his ways.
They smile at the way that he dresses
And call him both uncouth and crude,
Lacking in tact and in manners
An affront to the pretentious prude!
They think he's a real ingoramous
Or even egregious ass,
They wink and nod to each other
He belongs to the "nincompoop" class.
They scroff at his nature and habits
And say his beliefs don't conform,
They mock his gestures and actions
And claim he don't fit with the "norm"!
They taunt and call him unseasoned
Too rough, too ready, too raw,
"One pitch fork short of a hay mow"
The image that they love to draw.
They peg him as far too old-fashioned
He don't comprehend "A la mode ! "
They snicker about his perceptions
They don't understand 'bout "his code!"
Well, although I don't always condone him
I admire his self-rightous creed,
He openly says what he wants to
About graft and government greed.
I'd label him true to convictions
A boon to all daughters and sons,
And I admit, though no pun intended
At least he sticks to his guns.
He don't go to church every Sunday
But he gives the Bible it's dues,
He don't excuse his "indulgence"
Or apologize for his stance or his views!
Don't attempt to convert or reverse him
And change him, well don't even try,
In his way a principled purist
He'll stand up , and never say die.
He's a throw back to elders and forebearers
To the folk who made this land rich,
Not the diluted and neutered examples
Where you can't hardly tell which is which!
If we could only elect him to office
In time, he could make this place well,
Restore our country to greatness
And .....Keep it from going to Hell.......
K
31 Dezember I guess it's Resolution timeA litttle less impatient
With those I deem slow,
A little less arrogance
Because of all I know.
A little more humility
Seeing my worth is slight,
I'm a pretty trivial candle
Compared to the stars at night.
A little more forgiving
And swifter to be kind,
To Try harder to understand the kids
Something I'm sure they wouldn't mind.
A little more true eagerness
To understand each other,
A little more real striving
To help a fallen brother.
A little more courage
For that which must be done,
These are my resolutions
I'll try to keep every one.
K 28 Dezember The Prodigal SonThey enjoyed the thegigts and presents
His socks, his ties, and his shirts,
the colorful collections of candies
And the blouse that went with her skirts.
The Impact-sockets he'd wanted
The lamp she had looked at so long,
The CD with all of the Classics
The one with their favorite song.
The things the grandkids had made for them
The birch bowl his other son had "turned",
the painting a dear friend had gave him
Homemade butter a neighbor had churned.
Some earings, a watch and a bracelet
A new safty-kit for the car,
But the most treasured item this Kissymas
The note - that came from afar.
Although it was hastily written
They cherished each word - one by one,
And thanked the Good Lord he remembered
Just a card......from the prodigal son!
K
26 Dezember There will be no poetry todayit's three pm, Yard Bird's in the oven, stuffed tatters are done, with the fresh wet heavy snow from last night its a perfect afternoon for building snowmen and snow puppies, making snow angels the like, all is set for the arrival of two little christmas angels, the phone rings, the voice on the other end makes one sentence,
"You will not be getting the girls today" the line goes dead.......
return calls are not answered......
really took the wind outta my sails this time ...
UPDATE
I sent out the hounds, they picked up the scent, and were soon on the trial
they've treed the barricuda, and are in the process of retrieving the spawn.
Whoooo Woooooo
A bit late, but chirstmas will be a happening thing at the Perkins Household
Thanks Bella, Molly and Daisy, there will be a hambone in your kennel when you get back
K
I have this vision of myself looking much like snoopy doing the happy dance, arms and ears out streight to the side, head rolled back, and feet "just a thumpin" for all their worth. "dayummm Ize feels good" 22 Dezember Santa Will Rise AgainOk, so I let my mind wander a bit by times.......lol, Iffn you think it takes a while to read it, think how long it took to write it, never mind how long to type the damn thing. lmao
I ventured to the void one day
Where I'd never gone before
My date-book read, December 9
Two-thousand eighty-four!
There were stroies that a legend lived
Deep in the shadowed part
From folklore of a former day
When men were ruled by "heart"!
When children dreamed of Christmas eve
And nations, Peace On Earth,
Of a promise of redemtion-
Some sort of virgin birth!
So duty bound,a vow I'd made
On my dying mothers breast,
I'd seek and search the secret out
Til the rumours were at rest!
I took a token talisman
And my special lucky-charm,
Then conured up a "Canny-Cat"
To keep me from all harm.
I brushed up on theology
And fortified my "inner-space,"
Laid in a stock of rations
And a bible...just in case.
I loaded up my robo horse
And seet my auto-seer,
Packed along my topo-maps
And my porta-biosphere.
I left one morn at break of dawn
To thwart the boundary cops,
Patrolling the perimeters
Where law and order stops!
I traveled thru the "Shady Veil"
And past the "Portals of Pretext"
Then sensed with trepidation
That "the Tangles" would be next,
Down a maze of ancient alleys
Where my calander lost count,
While I lingered in the "Lower Lane"
Beside "Saint Vermon's Fount'!
But I wasn't making progress
And I knew I must decide,
So I finally fenced the sci-fi
And let instinct be my guide,
It led me to the "Mystic Meadow"
A place of constant mutant form,
It was once a toxic wasteland
Where hulicnations were the norm,
T'was there the cloised clouds lifted
Then the mists began to drift,
I caught a glimpse of thatching
Through a momentary rift.
I saw a classic covered cottage
Hid behind the screening shroud,
A sanctum santuary
From beyound the watching crowd,
Then I knew her youthful memory
was not a figment of her head,
For a figure slumped before it
Still dressed in faded red,
A beard that once had been snow white
Was all frazzled and unkempt,
But yet there was a vestige of ...
The person my mom had dreamt!
I carefully let him see me
Half afraid that he would run,
But he never moved a muscle
I guess his untraced days were done.
In the tranquil time that followed
He told me bout his cause,
And i reflected his magic
When at last he made a pause!
It seems the decline started
With the new "computer age"
When folklore and tradition
Took second place at every stage,
With materialistic cravings
Fed by Multi-Companies,
With values, worth, and morals
Brought struggling to thier knees,
When "Christmas Time" went "Holiday"
With the Nativity not taught,
Religion giving way to "rights"
And politics programming thiught,
Then along came global warming
And the Lab-life Birtth Cocoon,
Elders gone by euthanasia
And children growing up too soon,
No need for ole Saint Nicholas
Or a silly, shiny sleigh,
No such thing as "special treats"
For it was "christmas" every day,
The "western world" prospered
With welath enough to flaunt,
And youngsters had, well everything
All their little hearts could want.
Lights and trees and getting gifts
Just a short mikd-winter perk,
Until Christmas lost it's meaning
Just some more days off from work,
The comercial aspect prospered
demanding ever more and more,
They couldn't see beyound the facade
To the mess that was in store,
The spirit of the christian faith
Couldn't keep up , or compete,
with ego, pride,and self-sence
The thermatics of conceit.
Christmas trees went artifical
And "Manger Scenes" were clearly "out"
the move to nulify and neutralize
Had won beyond a doubt.
Then the letters, they stopped coming
and that sure reduced my role,
I mean, imagine stuff liek "workshops"
And "toyus" from the "north Pole",
For a few years we continued
Because we couldn't quite conceive,
That adults would lose interest
Or, that kids would not believe,
But, without the honest innocence
That's reflected in their eyes,
Elves become redundant
And a reindeer never flys,
No big red sled goes round the earth
To visit homes on Christmas Eve,
No sliding down the chimneys
No sack of tings to leave,
No lovely Christmas carols
No anxious Christmas week,
No mild and cookies at the table
No sneaking down to peek!
Yes! Christmas is for Children
He mused, and then he smiled,
"The blessed truth of Christmas
Is the sweet face of a child!
So now you see me sitting here
And you know the reason why,
I'm waiting for some spark to show
For, I cna't let Christmas die!
I'm not one for giving up
That's just not the way I am,
The Good Lord gives me shelter
And I get by the best I can!
You know, elves aere close to angels
Asclose as fancy is to fact,
And me, I sing his praises
For He permits my every act,
We do this Christmas thing together
That's just the way it's done..
But always with emphasis
On the coming of His Son"
I thought of my hard journey
And all it had entailed,
And was glad that I had chanced it
And that conviction had prevailed!
Long minutes passed in silence
Then ,"But I believe in you!
My mother told me everything,
And now I know that it's all true!
Christmas can begin agian
And be just like it was before
You served a purpose way back then,
Now we need you even more!"
"Your mother , ah , your mother,
She really put me in a fix
It was about that dolly
On the Christmas she was six.
The supplies grew scarce and scarcer
A shortage in the Cabage Patch,
But we modifed another model
And we got a perfect match!
Just to think that she remembered!"
And he wiped away a tear,
"The simple joys of Christmas,
All wasted while I'm here!
Why can't the people nowadays
Throw off the world's weight-
And celebrate the love of Christ-
Before it really is too late!"
I told him, "You can do it"
Despite your state of mind,
God's still up in His heaven
It's still there for you to find!"
Well, I saw his old eyes twinkle
And he said,"Do you suppose......!"
As he laid a trembling finger
Alongside that bullbous nose!
Then he levitated nicely
Til he touched the high tree tops,
Then he settled back down grinning
"I guess that magic never stops!
How did that Seasons Grettings go-
I've just got to get it right-
A Merry Christmas to all-
And, to all a Good Night !
Do you really think....! He looked at me,
"That it can be the way it was?"
Then step up lad and shake the had
Of the one called ..........SANTA CLAUS!
K
PS: my christmas gift from me to me.....got some new Ink ...... 14 Dezember Christmas "Hollidays"I was thinking about what I plan on doing on my christmas hollidays, and was thinking, oh well, it could be worse, and then a little more thinking got me thinking abuot how so others spend their hollidays, and one more thought led me to thinking about those that don't get a holliday at Christmas, and pen hit paper and for those of you that have to be at your job over the Hollidays...this Poem is for you.....
THANK YOU
Here's to the Christmas workers
Who give so of themselfs,
To shopers and consumers
They're "working Christmas Elves"
They work in Institutions
In the Hospitals and the Jails,
And do the very best they can
To assure that cheer prevails.
They keep our Highways open
And aid the traveler by train,
Clear comunication channels
Drive the bus's and fly the planes.
They keep the Hydro flowing
And the phone lines ringing on,
For seven days of every week
And at night from dusk til dawn.
And to our Mighty Military
Especially the ones on Foreign ground,
Let me now Salute YOU
For keeping our Sovereignty sound.
With comfort and compassion
Always ready to assist,
Their cardinal Contrbution
Would most certainly be missed.
So here's a poignant "THANK YOU"
To sort of let your spirits lift,
We appreciate the service
For, it's a special kind of gift.
K 13 Dezember 101 things about ME, (as I see them)1. I am a middle child
2. I liked school
3. I got stapped 9 times while there
4. I didn't like that much
5. I have lots of guns
6. I don't get strapped anymore
7. I don't spell very well
8. I sprayed my spelling teacher with the fire extinguisher
9. I can spell extinguisher
10. I like to shoot
11. I shoot a lot
12. I don't hear well in my left ear
13. I believe cats are reincarnated civil servents
14. I like dogs
15. I miss my dog
16. I got my foot broken in a fight one time
17. I lost that fight
18. I lost my virginity when I was 17
19. I thought that was fun
20. I believe everyone has a soulmate
21. I don't believe I will ever find mine
22. I miss Lynn, I think I really loved her
23. I haven't skated since I was 14
24. I bought a pair of skates with Wayne Gretskeys name on the side of them
25. They didn't help much
26. I don't like gossip
27. I have two children, Gabreille is 11 and Janelle is 9
28. I believe the only time you should hollar at your children is when supper is ready
29. I believe respect is something you earn
30. I believe in Brotherhood
31. Somedays I feel old
32. I have a selfcleaning oven.....it doesn't
33. I don't like to shop
34. I am an impulsive buyer
35. I never think my cloths fit me properly
36. I like to draw
37. I like to write poetry
38. I don't like to read poetry very much
39. I miss my mom
40. I can track a wounded animal
41. I can lose my keys on the kitchen table
42. I can build a fire almost anywhere
43. I am a very good cook
44. I hate doing dishes
45. I like to hunt
46. I keep my knives very sharp
47. I can skin and butcher a wild animal
48. I have eaten a bear
49. I like overnite canoe trips
50. I am not crazy about heights
51. I have a camp
52. I have a king size bed
53. I don't sleep much
54. I can drive a transport
55. I know what the back seat of a cop car looks like
56. I don't like that much either
57. I wear glasses
58. I have a tan on my legs for the first time in years
59. My daughters have painted my finger and toe nails, I left it on for three days
60. Sometimes I feel my life is very full
61. I laugh a lot with my kids
62. I was the provincial co-ordinator for the Ride for Sight for six years
63. I believe all Harleys should have streight pipes
64. I saw Tammy lift her shirt in a video of the Toy Run we have here
65. I liked that
66. My mind can slip into the gutter in a milisecond
67. I don't like being alone on a full moon
68. Sometimes I wish I lived on Jupiter, It has 16 moons
69. I am a romantic
70. I work a lot
71. I can operate a chain saw, skill saw, jig saw, buck saw, hack saw and even a rickshaw
72. I have all my fingers and toes
73. I admire people who keep themselfs in good shape
74. I like long hair
75. I believe you shoud never got to bed mad at your partner
76. I like to wake up early
77. I believe in God
78. I don't have much use for organized religion
79. I don't think twenty below is too cold to go outside and play
80. I think the Yukon would be a nice vacation destination
81. I don't like country music very much
82. I like to give gentle massages
83. I make an awsome snow angel
84. I day dream
85. I have flown an airplane, they didn't let me land it
86. I am growning my hair out for Curls for Cancer/Locks of Love It has to be 8 inches long
87. My beard used to be to my belly button
88. I like to pop bubble wrap
89. I am missing a front tooth
90. Sometimes I put a chicklett in there and watch peoples reaction
91. I am available for the stalking
92. I know how to cry
93. I have a mountain bike
94. I don't have a mountain
95. I can make a mountain out of a mole hill
96. I bought my daughters a pet duck, James Cannard III, he now lives at a park, and has a harem
97. I have a ski-doo
98. I like to ice fish,
99. I've peed in the Atlantic, Pacific, A Florida swamp, on a mtn in British Columbia, in the sand in Hawaii
100 I can walk on water in February, Now how special is that ! ! ! !
101 I AM CANADIAN 02 Dezember Flipper FlapperThe tongue is Always sharper
Thanany two edged sword,
And when the tongue is wroking
For sure, you won't get bored.
the tongue can be with what we taste
Or "swirl the pearl", ummmm how grand,
Or it can be a useful thing
When it comes time to command or demand.
It can come in mighty handy
If we learn to use it quick,
To give someone their "comeupance"
Or to give her clit a lick.
It can get us in or out of scrapes
Or it can lift the covering flap,
Depending on how we flop it
Or the way we let it yap.
Tongue in cheek or with it forked
Tongue-tied or mother-tongue,
And the likes of a good ol' tongue lashing
No swung whip has ever stung,
It can be a wagon-tongue
(no pun intended here)
Or it can be a soothing thing
To say those words so dear!
Lingo, Slang or Diallect
Oh, what the double tongue can tell,
A three day binge and it's a coated tongue,
Then the cold tongue of a bell.
In written, spoke or singing form
It's been instilled in me since I was young,
Learn HOW to "hold your horses"
And WHEN to "hold your tongue"
K
28 November some of the things I've seenThe things that I've seen..........
I've seen a man shot,
And a 12 lbs trout my daughter caught.
I've seen Plagurism, Animalistic Magnaism,
Cynicism and unfounded Critisism.
I've seen an inverted Goose,
and a Murderer on the lose.
Northern Lights, Southern Hospitality,
A man burned alive, and a Motorcycle Rally.
Coyotes tear a Fawn from it's mothers womb,
A hurricane, and a Flower bloom.
I've seen my mother die, falling stars in the sky,
I've seen her Ghost, and (I luv u) signs carved in a post.
I've seen Whales in the ocean, and a lot of commotion,
An eclipse of both moon and sun, and looked down the business end of a gun.
I've seen tears of Joy and tears of Sorrow,
Days when wished I'd never see tomorrow.
The death of the 8-track, the birth of DVD,
Both of these things mean little to me.
I've seen Crack Whores, Wild Boars,
Hawiian Sunsets, and Barricaded Doors.
I've seen an Eastern Cougar, a German Luger,
Gramps die and a thank you note that made a grown man cry.
But the best thing, I'll ever see, Is the faces of friends
When they come to visit me....
K
17 November S.O.B's are gonna gouge us goodPut another block on the fire
Go and cut another cord of wood,
Prices are goin' friggin' crazy
And the S.O. B.'s are gonna gouge us good.
Put another sweater on the children
Only takee a shower on tuesday nights,
Be extra careful how you use the dryer
Forty watts is plenty for the lights.
Throw another blanket on the bed Dear
And snuggle even closer than before, <---------- (if only)
Save all the pennies and the nickles <----------- (you really live off change?)
Be quick around the 'frigerator door!
Place some see thru plastic on the windows
And Ill "winterize" my faithful bike.
Fill all the jarsand jugs with "reg'lar"
Just in case there comes another hike.
Stock up on Spegetti and Potatoes
Buy a '48'er case of beans,
Get a stick of baloney and some hot-dogs
And I'll pick up some nuts and canned greens. <------Even though you don't like 'em)
Put away your purchase plans for Christmas
Only go to dooleys once a week,
Wear you rlong-johns when you're in the kitchen
You can make both ends meet if you squeak !
They sit back sock away thier millions
While tellng us to tighten up our belt,
I'd tighten it real tight aruond their gizzards
If I could do to them just what i felt !
Put aside the promise of a pension
Forget about a better livelihood,
Prepare yourself to take another "oiling"
The S.O.B's are goinna gouge us good. 04 November I shouldda' been a rocket scientist (more added)I think I found a prevention for the big "C", not a cure, but prevention...
now bear with me on this one....I'm a thinkin' it's much like gettin' a flu shot, you know, that's where they inject you with a flu virus so your body can build up an immune system to fight the germs when they attack your ...well, what ever it is they attack......now using that pholisophy ...iffn we go into the elementry schools and give all those little kids a cigarette a day for oh, i dunno, say, three years to smoke, that shuld build up their immune system to cancer ...........
 ooookkkaaaay
Now we got that big "C" taken care of, lets turn out attention to something that seems to be on everybodies mind of late.......the skyrocketing price of fossle fuel, lets take a look as some of the things we know.....we know that the price fluctuates by supply and demand, we know if we decrease the demand for oil the price should drop down to something within reason.....we know that larger narrower tires rotate easier then short wider ones, so lets take this to the extreme and put wagon wheels on our cars, giving them an apperance of somewhere between a formulia I racer and a carriage, stylish but yet romantic, now for the larger wheels there has to be increased braking power, and i'd suggest an anchor and length of rope, this would also stimulate the economy by boosting a slumping Iron oar industry with thousands of orders for appropriate size anchors and kickstarting the fledgling Hemp industry with all the production of suitable lengths of rope, we know that the ride would not be as good with these wagon wheel type tires, therefor the driver would be driving slower increasing his mileage even more........and before long the demand would be so low that the consumer would be back in control of the price once more ..........  29 Oktober No More Tail for KevinThe girls were here today, measured the Pony tail, and decided it was long enough
SNIP< SNIP.....
Packing it up tomorrow and sending it off to Curls for Cancer......
It measured 10 inches in length laying out on the table.........
Locks of Love does the same.......they make wigs for cancer patients..
It's a renewable resource folks.....and makes those kids feel a whole lot better....
the way I was raisedRemeber your mother
And, "I shall return!"
"Never surrender!"
And, we all linve and learn.
Hail to the party
And , "crazy as a loon"
Life as we know it
Will be over too soon.!
Study hard and do well
Sing, "God save the Queen"
Stand up for what's right
And, nothing between,
The path of my fathers
The beliefs that they founded,
Sometimes it's all
That has kept me grounded.
A salute to the home flag
To your own self be true,
Deportment, demeanor,
In all that you do.
I look across this valley
On this sunshiny morn.
And thank the higher power
That I was allowed to be born.
Look to the future
Keep your roots in the past,
But nothings forever
Nor is it too good to last.
So I hold up my values
Rock solid and unfazed,
I can't help myself
It's the way I was raized. 28 Oktober In the go figure dept.Look at the size of one piece of toilet tissue, then look at the size of one kleenex,
Now think about the size of the two body parts that these thinks clean......
Go figure ....
Did you ever notice that even the busiest of people are not too busy to tell you how busy they are
Go figure
Did you ever notice that the samllest of "achoo's" will bring "God Bless you's" an "Gesundhiets" hailing in from all directions, but when you take a coughing fit and almost cough your head off, all it birngs is dirty looks from people.
Go figure
Did you ever notice that when your arms are full of parcels most of the doors have a sign on them that reads..PULL..
Go figure
The only organ that god created that can repair it'self is the Liver......coincidence??? ....I think not....I'd rather BE a good liver than HAVE one, , , , , , , ,
Go figure
21 Oktober just a thoughtThere's only an "R" between "Friend" and "Fiend"
and an "O" and a "U" betwen "Borrow and "Burrow"
Errors have been made,,,,,others will be blamed
Maybe its time to be Proactive rather than Reactive
I must like the Iggy list
Well she seemed a little edgy
Maybe just a shade "put out",
Her manner more to contempt
Her face a puckerd pout.
I knew I must tread lightly
Or I'd surely do without,
For the female mind a mystery
That no man knows about.
So, I probed and proded gently
Until I felt like I could scream,
But I finally got it figured
And, its like she has this dream.
Of someone Tall, Dark and Hansome
The cream of mankinds cream,
And me no way to change her mind
Until I get this scheme.
I say to her "now ponder this"
And you'll see you shold be glad,
For when you think it's over
There's no reason to be sad.
I'll admit to "next to" perfect
Though theres not a lot to add,
And I may not quite be everything
But...two outta three aint so bad.
K
and the funny thing is you didn't even know this was written for her.
10 Oktober ok, lets see, thanks .....hummmmI do have some things to give thanks for....
I thank the people who have supported me when I was up agianst it. I give thanks for all the wonderful people I have had the pleasure to meet in my lifetime, although some of them dont want that much to do with me anymore, It was still a pleasure to have known them and for that I am thankful, I guess the paths that drew us together have now grown apart. I give thanks for having the most wonderful mother a man could ever ask for. God rest her soul, I give thanks for him (yes god is a man) allowing me to bring two of the most wonderful children Into this world, and giving me the opertunity to make it a better place for them when I am gone. I give thanks that I am healthy enough to get up off my lazy arse and go to work every day. I give thanks to both my parents for instilling a sence of humour in me that allows me to see the brighter side of things, and to take the setbacks with a grain of salt. i give thanks to God for making the human anatomy so that a broken heart doesn't stop beating. I give thanks for all the lovely ladies that stop by and say hi, it's always a pleasure to hear from you. I am thankful that I live in this Country, where you can express your opinion, and have a few human rights. I give thanks to the founders of Revlon.....I'll get into that later, lol.......and I even give thanks to Irene Jones.....the crabby old teacher that I sprayed with the fire extinguisher when I was in school, she was also my typing teacher, without her it would have taken me 20 min to type this thing.....note* I can spell extinguisher. We all have something to give thanks for...... oh yeah, and probably the most important one, is the fact that I am thankful, that I a still here to be thankful........ 28 September What I got, what I don't gotWell I ain't got a babe or a budget
And I ain't got a new pair of shoes,
I ain't got no means or a mortgage
But sometimes I do get the blues.
I don't have a dog or a doctorate
I don't have a dollar or a dime,
I do have a camp not a cottage
But I sure don't have the time.
I do have some stresses and Pressures
Some obligations but no dues,
I ain't got not duties or debt-loads
So why do I get the blues?
No ring in my nose or a teather
i don't have no leash or any reins,
A health plan and pretty good pension
But I do have some aches and some pains.
Well I don't have a mansion or a million
And I don't want buzzer or bell.
I don't need any friggin luggage
My saddle bags l serve just as well.
I don't got a babe or a budget
And I anit got no new pair of shoes,
I anit got no means or a mortgage
Maybe it's this chit that causes the blues.
26 September Puttin' this off for way too longI've been putting writing something about this trip off for way too long, but I find myself in grr8 need of a good feeling, i'm about as down as I've ever been, maybe this will help a mite.
We were driftin down the Lil' Tobique
Dead to our cares,
When the current caught us napping
And took us unawares.
There were rocks as big as waterbeds
And dick all we could do,
But whoop, hollar, laugh and scream
"Grab your socks, pull your cocks cuz we're a comin through.
Lance he hollard "watch it!"
"On the right there's a nasty cedar sweep"
"Keep 'er hard to the left fellas"
"Or you'll end up in a heap."
I didnt' mind the branches scratching
But I wasnt' up fro drowning yet,
Wasn't much into wading either
With the famly jewles getting wet.
My Old Town handled like a woman
The likes you've never saw,
She was born and bread for this river
Being consumated just outside Nictau.
We came upon Black Pool
With its surface shining dimes,
The juke box playing dueling banjoes
I cursed him for his crimes.
There was tamerack and hemlock
Along this lacey little brook,
All kinds of wildlife to be seen
Something in every little nook.
Boys this Is classic living
This is where it all began,
The way it was intended
Accept for farting Dan.
Our bellies filled with camp grub
Twice baked, seafood chowder and chilli,
Poor Ryan has passed out
And the boys are applying a wet willy.
The fire slows to embers
Above the trees the rising moon,
The days been long and full
I'll be turning in myself pretty soon.
But not before the stories
The laughter and the lies,
The fellowsip of old friends
An the evening breeze slowly dies.
The stories of last seasons goose hunt
And all the stuff we would love to do,
It's at this point for some reason
My mind wanders back to you.
We were camping way up Tobique
Out beneth the Polar Star,
Where an owl hoots up a greating
ANd....we're just the way we are.
In a spot that can still be called awsome
Unaffected by red tape,
You seem to become one with the river
What a hell of a way to escape.
23 September For the Male of the SpeciesRegardless of the situation, don't be and I mean DONT be confrontational....you can't win, you never could win, and you will never be able to win.......
If ever a confrontation arises between you and the female of the species...BE SMART....go for self preservation and simply reply to all quarries with one simple statement.....
memorize it.....use it...tattoo it on your eyelids.......hit your self in the finger with a hammer and don't break stride......
"Yes, Pumpkin, That is exactly what I was thinking"
Learn it, Know it, Live it........and you will prosper
This line can beused with any comment from the S/O, better half, of all females in general, do not,and I repeat DO NOT be confrontational......
"YOUR A WORM" ...."yes, Pumpkin, that is exactly wht I was thinking"
You mother is a battle ax
"yes, Pumpikin that is exactly waht I was thinking.....
Use it gentleman....use it.....
K
PS: for that mood ring thing that leaves such a welt on the temple....here is a little too for adjusting said ring......introducing "the mood WRENCH"... that's right guys, now we have something that will change the color of that friggin ring at our discresion, no more throwing a boot in through the front door to see if it comes flying back at you..... simply adjust the cresent wrench to fit the ring and turn it ever so slightly counterclockwise.....shall we say the WENCH WRENCH........probabaly gonna get it both barralls for that comment too. lmao
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